Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Things You Learn In The Hospital

1.  You just *think* you're not allergic to surgical tape.

2.  If the Federal Bureau of Prisons had invested in the same light bulbs used in hospital rooms, "Escape From Alcatraz" would never have happened.

3.  The keening wail of the "pumping stopped" alarm on your IV machine will haunt your dreams until the day you die.

4.  Hospital roommates are worse than any college roommate you could ever imagine.

5.  "Visiting Hours" does not mean seeing exactly how many family members you can cram into your half of a hospital room.

5.A  That dividing curtain is *not* sound proof.

6.  Nothing will get a male nursing assistant's BVDs in a wad faster than asking him to please *not* call you "Honey" (mine ignored me - literally - for 2 shifts)

7.  Some nurses really do look like pre-Raphaelite Madonnas.

8.  It is apparently actually possible to fark up vanilla pudding.

9.  It takes up to 4 days for a diagnosis of "acute appendicitis" despite repeatedly stating "It's either my appendix or my IUD...it's either my appendix or my IUD".  If I had gone in with a hatchet in my forehead, God knows how long it might have taken for an answer ;)

10.  It's *good* to be home.

Cody - the World's Least Scary German Shepherd

he's been my constant bedside companion since I was discharged Sunday afternoon


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